Incident Protocol for Your Town USA

9 06 2015


Something cray cray happened in Texas this weekend. Let the national incident protocol begin!

  • Event happens.
  • Fox News immediately begins panel discussion to determine if the incident was racially motivated. White panel members say “no”. Black panel members say “yes”.
  • Quick, aggrieved people! Get your snapshot videos up on YouTube!
  • Quick, accused people! Get your statements together and your stories ready!
  • Facebook and Twitter top brass in emergency meetings to come up with clever hashtags.
  • Civil rights leaders claiming victory for finally getting black panelists on Fox News.
  • Protest! Protest! Protest! Protest!
  • People on social media outraged by a version of the event that fits their long stated beliefs.
  • Aggrieved family hold first press conference. Family calls for peaceful protests. #SpokesUncle
  • Riot! Riot! Loot! Loot!
  • Flounder buys ten thousand marbles at Woolworth’s.
  • Raging Twitter discussion begins about how black guys say the N word all the time “but we can’t”.
  • News media art departments update “Crisis In (insert town name)!” graphics.
  • Anderson Cooper! Get your ass to (insert town name)! Report on what gets the most ratings!
  • Media cameras focus on that one guy brave enough to stand up to protesters.
  • Katy rescues Boone…

  • People on social media share appropriate righteous, “thank god it’s not happening in my neighborhood” indignation.
  • Reporters on the street in (insert town name) shocked that tear gas makes it really hard to breathe.
  • Housewives in every major city in the country complain on Facebook about television news coverage “fucking with my soaps!”
  • Church and community leaders call for resignation/prosecution of senator/congressman/mayor/city councilman/police commissioner, chief, captain, officer.
  • Al Sharpton and Rush Limbaugh report on exactly what is going on – via satellite.
  • News media interviews small business owner whose store was looted. Hopefully an immigrant… accents equal ratings!
  • People on social media immediately become experts on the constitution/medicine/law/police procedure.
  • Government officials state determination to find out exactly what happened. The truth is the most important thing. Justice will be served.
  • Church and community leaders call for calm and peace after checking for scratches on their Mercedes.
  • NoTyreseProtesters finally take well-deserved break to eat tasty treats rescued from local Pathmark.
  • News media sharing celebrity tweets expressing outrage/support for the people of (insert town name).
  • Professional athletes begin wearing t-shirts in support of (insert town name).
  • Outrage that no one from the White House attended funeral/memorial service/candlelight vigil. Republicans are incensed. Democrats… not so much.
  • Anderson Cooper sipping Evian on private jet back to palatial country estate.
  • Event is over. Media is gone.

The country has moved on to the next news cycle… Walter Cronkite stops spinning in grave. Good night, and good luck.

I assume that everyone understands this is meant to be a joke. What is serious are some of the real problems that we have in this world… Racism, media bias, out of whack priorities, and a general disrespect of our fellow man. Clearly, I’m taking some shots at news media. But journalists have a responsibility to provide the truth, and they don’t. We have a responsibility to expect the truth, and we don’t. 

I’m guilty of making rash decisions about situations – or incidents like I parody above – based on minimal evidence. Must work on that… Be better.


Brand Her Caitlyn

3 06 2015

“I’m not doing it for money. I’m doing it to help my soul and help other people. If I can make a dollar, I certainly am not stupid. [I have] house payments and that kind of stuff. I will never make an excuse for something like that. Yeah, this is a business.” ~ Caitlyn Jenner in Vanity Fair

caitlyn-jenner-tweets-welcome-bruce-leadI’d love to be saying “bravo” to Caitlyn Jenner, but I can’t. Before the PC police attack me, please understand that I do believe that being transgender is real and not to be ridiculed. And the people who bring hate to this conversation are the lowest of the low. I firmly believe that if her transformation helps one person better deal with theirs, it’s a very good thing.

But it should be clear to everyone that yesterday’s coming out is more E! Network marketing of the next product of the Kardashian cash machine. The amount of money – hundreds of millions – being made with this initiative alone is obscene, and should not be applauded… unless there are plans for transgender support facilities across the nation. I doubt that very much.


Click to movie link…

I watched a tremendous documentary (Trinidad) last weekend about people undergoing gender reassignment surgery. It follows the process and lives of several people, including doctors, patients and their families. Needless to say, the transformation experience for Caitlyn Jenner has been a little different for the women in this film. All of them were concerned with the impact this decision has on their families, friends, careers – and how they can support each other. They lean on many for support, and witnessing that journey is revealing and life affirming.

None of them had media advisors, professional make-up and fashionistas, or a pre-op Annie Leibovitz photo shoot. It’s a stark contrast…

Bruce Jenner has been called “brave” to put himself out there, but he is extremely well compensated. And it’s clear from his time in the reality TV world that he does not care about public’s impression of him. But Caitlyn Jenner is a brand, launched simultaneously in Vanity Fair, on Twitter, and on this week’s Kardashian episodes. Her bravery diminishes with each check she deposits, with the Kardashians careening towards their goal of dumbing a generation of young Americans. Her biggest impact is taking a sensitive, complicated issue and creating a circus. The truly brave are the thousands of transgender people around the world… pushing forward, mostly alone.

The attention of the public will eventually move on the next big thing. And the collective strength of the transgender community will continue to support their own, and be worthy of our admiration.