Carving A Good Stone

24 05 2013

librarpstesdfsdfsdfAccording to the website Dangerous Minds… “This headstone, located in the Goldfield Pioneer Cemetery in Goldfield, Nevada is apparently real. There are some doubts on the Internet as the red paint appears to be in mighty fine shape for being over 100 years old. Perhaps someone maintains the grave since it’s so unusual?”

Even if it’s not real, it’s pretty damn funny.

I’ve noticed when visiting my parent’s grave that there aren’t really any funny epitaphs. While beautiful and scenic, it is a somber place. Messages on the headstones are standard. Very poetic. Very tame. Very boring. I suppose that better content for this blog would be found in a non-Catholic cemetery…

I’m hoping I’ll have something extremely profound on my stone for future generations, or random people walking by. Something that will make a statement about my life and accomplishments. Or funny, like Rodney Dangerfield’s “There Goes The Neighborhood!” inscription.

At this point I haven’t accomplished anything headstone worthy, so it looks I’ll have to go with funny. But as I don’t plan on exiting this world anytime soon, I still have time to make a mark – in life and marble!

It could happen like this…

  • As a social media maven – “Founder of the LanganSpace Holographic Social Network”.
  • I know a little bit about soccer… “USA World Cup Winning Coach”. Or team bus driver?
  • Will one of my children give me the boost I need? “Here Lies John Langan, Father of the First Man on Mars”. Of course, if this happened I would want one of those cool Spock photon torpedo funerals!
  • Perhaps I will have an interesting death… “Centenarian, Died In Kiln Explosion”. I was making someone a pot…

I hope I don’t have to think about this anytime soon, but pondering is always good exercise for the brain. And I’m not sure if a cemetery plot is for me anyway. Stay tuned for a blog called “Creative Ash Scattering”.

If you have any suggestions for an appropriate epitaph, please comment below. It doesn’t have to be appropriate, either… best suggestion wins a much sought after “legs end” pall bearer position at my funeral services.

This weekend and everyday, lets not forget and be thankful for all of the people who have served our country, and whose epitaphs credit them for the freedom we enjoy.

God Bless America.




2 responses

24 05 2013
Arnie Korfine

I enjoyed reading this and I read it twice; I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t want it to end. And it reminded me that I haven’t visited my parents’ grave in too long. I’ll have to look at the other stones when I do; the biographical information is always in English – names and dates, followed by the “Beloved son, brother, mother, etc. But then there are often some sentences written in Yiddish and I wonder if that’s where the pithy and maybe, funny stuff is inscribed. Like, “Died from constipation – bore down too hard and his head exploded”. Just sayin’

24 05 2013

I prefer the classic “I Told Them I Was Sick!”

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